safety's on, dipshit

Now, I think that I should have known that he was magic all along. I did know it — but I should have guessed that it would be too much to ask to grow old with hi,m and see our children grow up together. So now, he is a legend when he would have preferred to be a man.

I’m only happy when I’m on the run.

lazyanbu:

MY MUM JUST WALKED INTO MY ROOM LIKE THIS

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SO WE MADE SOME MORE

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AND NOW I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

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THEN MY DAD JOINED IN

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Cold War Olympics

shitmystudentswrite:

The Cold war can basically be explained through its own special Olympic events: the Space Race, the Arms Race, the Cuban Missile Staring Contest, the Berlin Tug o’ War, and last but not least the Find The Nuclear Warhead Contest.

yzma:

'babe, what's the safety word'

'jacobs by marc jacobs for marc by marc jacobs in collaboration with marc jacobs for marc by marc jacobs'

premiium:

rapewhistled:

still havent seen any greenday jokes….its september….wtf is going on

i guess everyone’s on holiday

tockthewatchdog:

mattheuphonium:

kim-jong-chill:

i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake

fabulous 

i mean they did also kill jesus. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did kill jesus.

If you keep being mean to Church, Church will just keep being mean to you, and then everyone will be mean to everyone all the time, and everything will be bad and no one will have fun. I mean, c’mon! Is this really what you want? You just- you just want to be angry and mean all the time? Because that is dumb! And you know what? You are dumb for thinking that! So Church left, and maybe some of us were sad, but you know what? That is okay!

agent carolina could beat me up and id write her a thank you note

where the fuck is the duck

hellfiresclub:

new make-up, new hair color yeah!!!

TINY